Golden Sun: Chronicles Of Crack
by Wind Wizard
Summary: This is the Conjoint Crack Fic made by several different Authers, Each with there own unique writing talents. Please Enjoy this Fic and also Please Read and Review Each Chapter so that each Auther can get their credit.
1. Dracobolt Cronicles: Ch 1

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, wait, it was just the best of times. That's because it was Snack Time™!

Yep, thought Garet, strolling along through Vale, nothing could beat Snack Time™. He whistled as he walked, nodding to folks on occasion, a spring in his step as he headed home. Today was Tuesday, and every Tuesday for Snack Time™, Kay, Garet's older sister, would make brownies! Garet couldn't wait.

As Garet approached his house, however, something seemed... off. There was no smell of freshly baked brownies, warm from the oven that they'd just been removed from by Kay's loving oven-gloved hands. No, the air was still and smelled only of the normal smells: fresh cut grass, dog feces that someone hadn't taken care of, and burnt corpses. Garet didn't notice the incongruity of that last smell, perhaps because of a lingering sinus infection, and so he continued on towards the house, ready to investigate.

Around the kitchen table in Garet's family's house (their real last name, incidentally, was unknown; "Jerra" was the name assigned to them by the witness protection program) were seated six girls. Garet's first thought was that this was even better than Snack Time™. Then he realized that one of the girls was his sister, so that narrowed his selection slightly. Still, the rest of them were pretty hot. However, when Garet got his hormones slightly under control, he noticed something odd about the girls.

"Why are you guys all wearing black?" he asked. "And where are my brownies? You know it's Snack Time™, Kay."

"Don't call me Kay anymore," said Garet's sister. "That name doesn't begin to portray my inner pain. Call me Dark Raven."

"Huh?" Garet turned to look at the other girls in hopes that someone would explain this to him. Jenna: most likely to say something sarcastic. Karst: Proxian skank. Feizhi: talked funny. Mia: usually pretty sensible. Garet didn't even bother to analyze Sheba and just turned to Mia. "Mia, what's she talking about?"

"Amelia Moontear," Mia corrected him. "But anyway, we're starting a band, and Kay - I mean, Dark Raven - doesn't have time to be your brownie slave anymore."

"But... But... Snack Time™!" Garet sputtered.

"Get out of here," Sheba said. "We're in the middle of working on a song."

Well, that would explain the varied instruments scattered around the room that Garet only now was noticing.

"Garet," Kay said, sounding frustrated, "if you don't leave now, I'm telling Mom!"

Yikes! Garet slouched over to the door. "Whatever, iKayla/i," he said, sneering his sister's full name and slamming the door on the way out. Stupid girls and their stupid band. Didn't they care about the importance of Snack Time™?

"So now that he's gone, let's get back to writing the song," said Sheba. She picked up the piece of paper with snippets of lyrics scrawled on it. "Let's see... What rhymes with 'butterfly corpses'?"

"That's so tenth grade," Karst scoffed. "I think we should be focusing on an edgier sound. Something like this. Na na na neeeer rooooww!" Karst mimed playing an air guitar as she made various interesting vocal choices in her attempt to represent guitar chords.

"Oh, yeah, that's so inspired," Sheba said, rolling her eyes. "Go back to feeling conflicted about your sexuality and ogling Jenna when she's not looking. Not that you're much better at that, but at least I don't have to hear you whine." She tapped a finger on her chin. "Oh, wait."

Jenna looked at Karst in alarm, and Karst's pink skin flushed a deeper shade of scarlet.

"Girls, please!" Mia spoke up before Karst could get over her shock and retort. "Remember, we're angry at the world, not at each other. Let's get back to work."

From the corner came a sudden burst of music. Feizhi had quietly gone over and sat at her keyboard, and now she was playing a stream of impassioned notes. This went on for a few minutes, and when Feizhi finally finished, the girls sat in silence for a few moments more.

"That was really good." Karst broke the ice with her faintly surprised compliment. "We can definitely use that tune when we get some lyrics down.

Inspired by the fact that Feizhi was actually competent at music, the girls got back to work and soon had an actual song written.

"This looks awesome," Sheba said, nodding as she glanced over the finished product. "Let's try rehearsing it."

Jenna and Kay picked up their guitars and started tuning them; Karst just looked at her bass with vague curiosity, as though it were some sort of interesting fossil that she wasn't sure why she was holding. Really, Karst was in the band not for her musical prowess but because she had the suitably "angry at the world" look and mindset. Bass was the instrument that the Proxian girl would do the least damage with. Sheba had briefly considered sticking her on tambourine, but had decided that the incongruity wouldn't be worth it.

Sheba herself ran through a few scales to warm up her voice while Mia got her drums set up. When she was ready, Mia counted off a couple measures, and then the girls started their song.

All the birds in a seven mile radius suddenly flew away, squawking in alarm.

Wiping some sweat from her brow, Sheba grinned. "I think that sounded pretty good for our first try. There's still some work we can do, though. Mia, I think you were going a little too fast during the bridge section; watch the tempo there next time." Mia nodded. "Feizhi, I heard you stumbling a little on those chords during the refrain. Be sure to practice those."

"I shall endeavor to attain perfection in subsequent renditions," said Feizhi, giving Sheba a small bow.

"Glad to hear it," said Sheba. She turned to her guitarists. "You guys did pretty well. Just be sure to stay in unison with each other next time." Jenna and Kay looked at each other and nodded. "And Karst? If you can play a little softer next time, that'd be good."

Karst scowled. "I already have the volume on my amp turned down to one."

"I know," said Sheba, smirking. "And I know that I need to practice, too. I messed up on the third verse, and those high notes were killing me. Well, let's take five and then run through it again.

Five minutes later, all the dogs in Vale ran howling from the town.

"That went so much better!" Sheba told the band when they'd finished their practice session for the day. "Before long, we'll be the most famous band in Weyard!"

"Hurray!" the girls cheered.

"We're supposed to be some sort of vaguely emo/punk/goth band, ladies," Sheba said sternly. "All this cheerfulness isn't in line with the image we want to be projecting."

"Oh..." the girls murmured.

"We need to work on this whole "hating life thing"," Sheba mused. "Hm... I got it!" Sheba went to her backpack, which was tossed on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. She rifled through, discarding folders of sheet music before plucking something from the bag in triumph. "Mia, here." Sheba crossed to the Mercury Adept and slapped something into the palm of her hand.

"It's a package of razor blades," said Mia, staring at the blades.

"Yeah," said Sheba. "You're gonna be our melancholy cutter."

"But, Sheba, self-injury is a serious issue," Mia began. "As one dedicated to healing, I can't-"

"Less talking, more slicing," said Sheba. "Karst, you can keep doing the ineffectual bisexual thing you're so goo- well, bad at."

"W-wait!" stammered Karst. "I'm not a bisexual!"

"Straight up lesbo, eh? All right, whatever floats your boat." Sheba turned to Kay, who looked at her in trepidation. "Kay, Jenna, you're Mars Adepts. Just scowl a lot and set your guitars on fire every once in a while." The two girls looked at each other, relieved.

"I'll be the pouty gothic lolita," said Sheba, "and Feizhi, uh... Just dye your hair black and wear heavy make up and spikes or something. All right, you're all dismissed for today!" Sheba shoved her scattered sheet music back into her backpack and left Kay's house, whistling.

The other five girls looked at each other.

"Does she ireally/i want me to cut myself?" Mia asked the others.

"You're a Mercury Adept, right?" said Karst. "You can heal yourself easily."

"Helpful, Karst," said Mia, rolling her eyes. "Thanks."

"I'm gonna get going now," said Jenna, zipping her guitar into its case and slinging it onto her back.

"Me too," said Karst. Jenna watched her warily as the Proxian packed up. Karst was staying with Jenna and Felix's family and sharing a room with Jenna, and today's practice session had pretty much guaranteed an awkward evening for them both.

"I shall leave as well," Feizhi announced. "The old man will surely have made dinner by this point, and I do not want to seem impolite by being late." Feizhi was shacking up with Kraden, staying in the attic of the scholar's house.

"Crap, yeah, I have to make dinner!" Kay exclaimed. "Man, my parents are going to be so mad! All right, guys, sorry, but you gotta go."

"Want some help, Kay?" asked Mia.

"Nah, I'll get it under control." All at once, Dark Raven had reverted to her usual domestic self, getting the pots and pans out as she darted around the kitchen at top speed. The spell of the afternoon's practice session broken, the girls all dispersed.

This Chapter was written by Dracobolt

Please R&R


	2. Martin III Cronicles: Ch2

-1 On the list of things a mother doesn't want to hear from her teenaged son, pretty near the top you will find:

"Kay hasn't made dinner yet because she was rehearsing with her emo/punk/goth band."

Garet's mother immediately marched to the kitchen and saw Kay still stirring a not yet steaming pot on the stove. "Oh no," she moaned, clasping her hands to the side of her forehead. Kay jumped in surprised dismay, dropping the stirring spoon. "I didn't want to believe it when Garet told me... but it's true. Kay, how could you?"

"Mom, I can explain -"

"Yes! Please! Explain why dinner isn't ready and on the table yet!"

"I was practicing with my new band."

"F-for that... you abandoned dinner preparations?" her mother sobbed, bitter tears running down her face.

At that moment father came in and went to mother's comfort, putting his arms around her. "Dearest, dearest... what's wrong?"

"K-Kay... defiled DinnerTime™!"

He laughed. "Oh, don't be silly, dearest. She _couldn't_ have."

"Wh-what? How do you know?"

"Because a trademark is used for a word, name, symbol, device, or any combination used in commerce to identify and distinguish the _goods_ of one manufacturer or seller from goods manufactured or sold by others," he explained, smiling with loving patience. "The serving of a fine meal in the evening isn't a good; it's a service! Therefore, it must be service marked, not trademarked. A service mark, you see, is any word, name, symbol, device, or any combination, used in commerce to identify and distinguish the _services_ of one provider from services provided by others."

"Oh," she sniffed. "Then... K-Kay... defiled DinnerTimeSM!"

"What!?" father bellowed, the veins on his forehead standing out. "You ruined our most important time together as a family?"

Kay took a step back. "Dad, listen, now that I'm in this band, I'm going through a lot of inner pain. Deep, profound, wholeheartedly emo pain. So you should really cut me some slack on a few things so that I don't decide that you don't love me and go commit suicide, or something." She forced herself to smile. "If you think about it, considering all the heavy stuff I'm going through, it's pretty impressive that I even got dinner star-"

"Diiiiiiiieee!!!" He charged at her, hands reaching for her neck. Kay bolted.

----------------------

"And that's why we can't use my house for rehearsal today," Kay finished.

"And why you refused to let me open the door to my own house," Kraden added irritably. "Even though your father has been pounding on it for the past half hour."

"Relax; he's been hunting for me all night and all morning. He's bound to collapse from exhaustion soon."

"But what that fascinating story does _not_ explain," Sheba said pointedly. "...is why Jenna and Karst have showed up at rehearsal looking all bleary-eyed."

"We didn't sleep well last night," Karst groaned.

----------------------

The awkwardness had started over the previous night's dinner. Jenna's parents had deemed it inappropriate for their son to be seated next to any young, moderately attractive, unspoken-for ladies at the dinner table, not even when one of those ladies was his sister. As a result, the only seating arrangements acceptable to the lord and lady of the house involved sitting Jenna and Karst next to each other. Thanks to Sheba's comments at the earlier rehearsal, it was an incredibly uncomfortable situation. They scooted their chairs as far apart as the very limited space would allow and took care to keep looking away from each other for the entire evening.

Chewing down a mouthful of steak, Felix announced, "So Isaac, Kraden, and I are going to hit the town tonight."

"Fine," his father said. "Just be back by 11 o'clock."

Felix took a deep breath. "You know, when I was in Prox, I was considered a grown man. If I wanted to stay out all night, that was my business."

"I don't care. Under this roof, young man, you are to be in bed when we say so."

"Fine," he answered impassively.

"Did you say Kraden is going with you?" Jenna asked, an eyebrow raised.

"The old guy likes to party. And Isaac says that chicks dig guys who help out elderly folks. Not that _I'm_ looking for chicks," he added quickly, stealing a glance at Karst. "I... already have a special lady I'm interested in."

"Oh, that's wonderful, Felix dear," his mother beamed. "So long as it isn't Jenna, and so long as you have a ring on this lady's finger within two month's time, of course."

"MOM!!!" Felix and Jenna both exclaimed at once.

"Don't give me that attitude, young man. Two months is plenty of time to properly court a lady. Any longer than that and it can be nothing but a tawdry affair."

"Mom, if I want to have a 'tawdry affair', I'll damn well -"

"Excuse me," Karst interjected, in a tone whose sheer belligerence didn't match her words. "May I have some more green beans?"

"I'll get them for you," Felix said quickly, almost knocking his chair over when he shot to his feet. He served the green beans to her with an almost boyish grin on his face. Their eyes met.

Then his father loudly cleared his throat, prompting Felix to finish giving Karst her second helping and seat himself back down. The awkward silence from before returned with double the force.

"So Mom, Dad," Jenna said. "What do you think of this new band Karst and I are in? Sounds pretty cool, huh?"

"There are no boys in this band, right?" her father asked.

"Right, Dad."

"Will you be dressed like a prostitute when you perform?" her mother asked.

"I'll be wearing my regular clothes, Mom."

"And your concerts will all be over before your curfew?"

"For the foreseeable future, yeah."

"And any underwear that should be thrown at you when you're on stage?"

"I'll leave it for the janitors to clean up."

"Then we love it," her father concluded.

"It sounds like an excellent band," her mother agreed.

"It's great that you're taking initiative and applying your creative talents in a way that allows you to fulfill yourself and strengthen the bonds you have with your friends."

"We're so proud of you, dear."

Jenna sat there, aghast. "But... But... You haven't even heard us play!"

"Oh, but now you've told us so much about it, we feel as if we already have."

"But you don't understand anything about us!" Jenna protested, jumping up from the table. "We're a totally goth/punk/emo band! We hate authority, and our lives, and things like thank you cards and cute bunny rabbits, and we're totally loud and angry and stuff, and Mia is going to be cutting herself with razor blades and calling herself Amelia Moontear, and... and..."

"Well, you haven't set the house on fire yet," her father noted. "And you haven't allowed Mia's self-mutilations to be an unhealthy influence on your own behavior. So I think it's safe to say that all this hate and anger is being channeled through your music in a healthy and mature manner. There's nothing wrong with releasing your frustrations through a bit of electric guitar. In fact, I bet it sounds pretty groovy."

"Your band is totally fab," her mother added.

"When your band does a concert, anyone who isn't there must be square."

"Aaaaagh!" Jenna screamed, turning to run to her room. "You ruin everything!"

"Jenna, watch out!" Felix shouted. In her rush, Jenna had forgotten about the big sack of potatoes her mother had left on the floor. Half the potatoes had gone into the meal, but there was still enough solid mass in the sack to trip Jenna and send her flying towards the floor. Felix reached out and caught her by her right shoulder in the nick of time.

He was about to breathe a sigh of relief when he saw the looks on his parents' faces. Looks that showed that they were taking note of the fact that Felix's grip was just an inch away from Jenna's right breast. He could read the fear in their eyes: _Brother on sister lust. Incest. Defilement. Scandal. Shame. Grandchildren with distorted, gap-toothed smiles and six fingers on their right hands._

Felix let go of his sister's shoulder like it was the business end of a branding iron.

Jenna hit the floor face-first. "Sonnova %#&*!" she cursed. "My noath!"

----------------------

As Karst lay in bed that night, the awkward silence was unbearable. She knew Jenna wasn't asleep yet, because she couldn't hear any snoring.

"How's your nose?" she called to the bunk above her.

"Better." There was a pause. "You know, Karst... this is a good opportunity to improve our image as a band."

"Huh?"

"Well, you're our ineffectual bisexual/lesbian freak, right? So you say you want to sleep next to me because you're feeling cold. Then, after I let you under the covers with me, you start to 'accidentally' fondle me."

"You must have hit your head on the dining room floor harder than we thought," Karst snorted.

"I'm serious."

"Seriously out of your mind!" she snapped. "Listen, I want to get some sleep, so instead of arguing about this for however long, let me just set this straight for you right now: One, I'm a Proxian. Proxians don't get cold. Two, I'd rather be impaled on ten thousand spikes than fondle another woman!"

"Hey, you think _I'm_ looking forward to doing it? I'm heterosexual."

"So am I, genius."

"Oh, so Sheba, a girl who _reads minds_, is mistaken about your sexual inclinations? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense."

"Maybe she misunderstood something she read from my mind," Karst pointed out. "Or maybe she's the sort of person who covers up her own latent bisexuality by calling other people lesbos."

"Whatever. The point is, you've just gotta suck it up for the band and -"

"You didn't let me finish," Karst interrupted. "Three, if I did 'accidentally' fondle you, I'd deny it afterward, and no one could prove I did. Four, Felix is here with me, and I don't think he'd -"

"WHAT!!!" Jenna shrieked, and leapt right out of the top bunk, landing on her feet besides Karst.

"Kidding, kidding!" Karst pulled her hands out from under the covers(while Proxians don't get cold, they do have a healthy aversion to being seen in their evening wear) and held them up in mock surrender. "Jeez, simmer down." Flushing red, Jenna climbed back onto her bunk. "Say, wasn't this Felix's bed? Why'd you set me up here and stick Felix in the attic instead of the other way around?"

"My parents moved Felix out of that bed five years ago, before he was taken to Prox. That's when they started to worry that the two of us might... you know... play around in each other's pants."

"So they're afraid of the possibility of incest, but not the possibility of lesbianism?"

"That's my parents for you. I think they don't even know lesbians exist."

Satisfied that she'd managed to get Jenna to forget her abhorrent suggestion, Karst didn't attempt any further conversation, but simply waited for Jenna to fall asleep.

As soon as snores like unto a hungry bear's growling started coming from the upper bunk, Felix poked out from underneath Karst's covers. "Man, that was a close one," he remarked, crawling out of the bed. "Okay, coast is clear."

"You have _got_ to find a better way of sneaking in after curfew," Karst grunted.

He turned and smirked at her. "Is being upset about this part of your lesbian act?"

"I don't have a lesbian act. Have you ever thought that maybe it's frustrating to have a guy crawl into my bed and _not_ have sex with me?"

"Oh, is that it?" His expression showed a major jump in interest, and he started pulling his shirt off. "Well, I can fix that. Let's see you prove you're not a lesbian."

"Right." Karst rolled her eyes. "I'm going to have loud, raunchy sex with you right in the same room with your sister."

"Hey, believe me, once Jenna's off to slumberland, even that wouldn't wake her up." But he pulled his shirt back down. "Anyway, you _were_ ogling Jenna, weren't you?"

She groaned in exasperation. "Is it some unspeakable sin to ever look another woman anywhere but the face? Look, all I did was glance at Jenna and wish my breasts were as big as hers. Sheba must have read my thought and misinterpreted. Either that or she's just a lying little snit."

Felix clutched at his forehead. "Okay... first of all, you're beautiful just as you are. Second, thank you _so much _for the mental image of my sister you just gave me. Really. I appreciate it."

"Oh, like you never noticed her jugs before. Each one is almost as big as her head, for crying out loud!"

"Not. Helping." Felix wandered out of the room.

----------------------

"Okay, so that sort of explains why you didn't sleep well," Sheba said. "But what's this about Felix sneaking back into the house through the window by your bed?"

"Yeah, did he 'accidentally' fondle while he was under your covers?" Kay put in.

"I must strongly assert that Karst's sexual activities or lack thereof are no affair of ours," Feizhi interjected. "While she has been shockingly forthright about Felix's presence in her bed, that does not -"

"Woah, woah!" Karst exclaimed in alarm. "I wasn't telling you guys any of that stuff about Felix or last night's dinner! I was just having a flashback!"

A moment of dead silence followed.

"...See, now, that was kind of confusing," Kay said. "First I was telling you all about why we can't rehearse at my house today, right? Then we ask Jenna and Karst about why they're looking so run-down, and a scene change comes right after that. Isn't it natural to assume that next scene is going to be you or Jenna explaining things to the rest of us, the same way I was explaining what happened with my parents? Now you're telling us it was a flashback?"

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Karst protested. "What do you want, me to announce it to all of you whenever I'm about to have a flashback?"

"My friends, please let us not make such a terrible fuss over such a minor misunderstanding," Feizhi said. "Let us all simply forget every part of Karst's flashback."

"No problem," Jenna answered.

"I've wiped it from my mind," Kay agreed.

"I think she made up the parts about Felix, anyway," Sheba said.

"It was a flashback!" Karst cried, exasperated. "You can't make up stuff in a flashback!"

"_You_ say it was a flashback. I think it was a dream fantasy."

"No it was not!" she snapped. Sheba's barbs were never appreciated, and having slept so poorly the night before, Karst was now in a very cranky mood. "I'll show you a dream fantasy!"

----------------------

Karst dropped Sheba's bloodied body to the ground. The little Jupiter adept wasn't going anywhere, after all; not with both her legs broken.

Menardi, Agatio, Felix, Garet, and Ivan were gathered in a circle around the two women, pumping their fists and chanting, "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!"

"Please, Karst," Sheba sobbed. "Have mercy! I'm just a stupid little girl who doesn't know anything. Please, spare -"

----------------------

"Okay, okay," Sheba muttered, taking a step back from Karst. "Point taken."

Kay put a weary hand to her head. "If you're done having flashbacks and dream sequences, could you give a straight answer to why you're all sleep-deprived?"

"Jenna and Sheba's lesbianism suggestions had me freaked out," Karst said.

"And I couldn't stop thinking of my mom saying our band is 'fab'," Jenna shuddered.

" Okay," Sheba said. "Now, we just need to figure out why Mi- um, Amelia Moontear isn't here yet."

No sooner had Sheba said this than the errant drummer came through the door of Kraden's house, humming a merry tune. A half dozen flowers adorned her hair, and she carried a half dozen more. While the rest of the girls stared with mouths agape, she did a graceful pirouette, came to a stop before Sheba, and stuck a flower into her golden hair.

Sheba gave the pouty look that was appropriate to her image as a musician, ripped the flower off of her head and stomped on it with her heel. Mia didn't even seem to notice. She just went around sticking flowers into all the girls' hair before finally coming to sit behind her drum set.

"Ready to rehearse now?" Karst demanded.

"Oh yes," said Mia in a tone of dazed happiness. "Except that you don't have your bass yet, Karst."

Karst flushed and went to get her instrument and plug in.

"Also..." Mia added. "If it's okay with the rest of you... I'd like to try singing something."

The others looked at each other, wondering if that was a good idea, especially with Mia in this mood that was so inappropriate to their image as a band.

"Okay, we'll let you try," Sheba said. "But if we hate it, or if I just decide that I'm the singer and the spotlight belongs to me, we don't make it part of our act."

Mia nodded in agreement and proceeded to explain the chords to Feizhi. Karst she simply instructed to keep playing the same note at a slow beat. Without giving anything for the other three girls to play, she proceeded to count off on her drumsticks.

As soon as the opening notes came in, everyone but Mia and Feizhi cringed. And when Mia started singing...

"Why do birds suddenly appear

every time you are near?

Just like -"

...well, that was the limit.

"Cut, cut!" Sheba hollered. Mia lowered her drumsticks, looking up in bewilderment. "Mia, what the hell is that #$&?"

"I dunno," she shrugged. "It just seemed like the sort of song a young, skinny female drummer might sing."

"Like anyone under 20 is going to get _that_ reference," Sheba rolled her eyes. "What is wrong with you, Mia? You've been acting like a fruitcake from the moment you walked in that door!"

On the list of things a goth/punk/emo band doesn't want to hear from their drummer, pretty near the top you will find:

"I'm in love."

Unfortunately, that's exactly the answer that Mia gave to Sheba.

"Woah, hold up," Jenna said. "There are, what, 40 guys in this town? Maybe 8 that are anywhere near your age. And it can't be Felix, Garet, Isaac, Ivan, or Piers, since you would have fallen for him before now if it was. So that leaves -"

"Oh, he's not from Vale," Mia interrupted. "He just came here last night, suffering from multiple wounds. I took him in and nursed him back to health."

"Wounds?"

"Yes. He's fighting against a terrible evil that threatens all of Weyard," she sighed dreamily. "He'll be staying at my house for a couple of days, because he says that some of the forces of evil will be attacking Vale."

"Snap out of it, Mia!" Sheba said. "You're supposed to be our melancholy cutter, remember?"

"I'm sorry. You'll just have to settle for me being our blissful girl in love."

"Oh, no we won't! You're going to show us this guy you've gone all ga-ga for right now, and we're going to straighten him out!"

----------------------

Mia pointed. "He's on that hill over there. It's where he does his training."

Even before they made it to the top of the hill, they could recognize him as a lanky, scruffy young man in a blue kimono, wielding a long sword. His face was handsome and aloof.

"Um... hi there," Sheba called to him. "I guess you're Mia's new beau?"

"There's been some sort of mistake," the man replied. "Mia and I are not romantically involved. I can't let myself be distracted in my quest against evil with such things as love. Not even with a maiden as beautiful and clever as Mia." Mia blushed, wringing her hands together. The man held a hand out to Sheba. "You have not introduced yourself. My name is Merisu."

Something about the sound of that name made the hairs on the back of Sheba's neck stick out. Yet in spite of herself, she took his hand and shook it, smiling. "I'm Sheba. And this is Kay, Jenna, Feizhi, and Karst. Nice to meet you. So, you look like you're from Izumo."

"No. I come from a mysterious land, and have a very mysterious past. It is all shrouded in mystery."

"You had an awkward childhood, huh?"

He turned his back to her. "I... I can't talk about that. You wouldn't understand the complexity of my history, and just knowing it would endanger you. You can't handle such dangerous knowledge."

"Oh... I'm sorry..."

Kay interrupted, "Weren't you going to chew him out?"

"Yes, but... I feel this urge to just stand here and gaze at him in admiration."

"Huh?" Karst said. "He's been nothing but an arrogant jerk so far."

"Yet I, too, feel this inexplicable compulsion," Feizhi said, furrowing her brow. Sweat ran down her forehead. "Must... resist..."

"Agh!" Jenna gasped. "I just want to throw myself at Mia and start a huge catfight with her over which of us gets to be Merisu's girlfriend!"

"Come on, guys!" Karst cried. "We've got to fight this!"

While Merisu watched the girls in perplexity, a horde of dark creatures suddenly swarmed up the hill. "Merisu! You cannot stop us!" they roared.

Sheba cried, "Well, even if he can't stop you, we can!" Sheba, Jenna, and Karst brandished their weapons and charged. "We're the heroes of Weyard, and we'll fight you to the end!"

The girls flung their combined adept might at the horde, unleashing multiple summons and all their most powerful psynergies. Yet it all had absolutely no effect on the dark creatures. As the three adepts stared in disbelief, the dark horde swept them aside and charged at Merisu.

"It's hopeless!" Kay wailed. "If those creatures could defeat three of Weyard's most powerful heroes so easily, then Merisu doesn't have a -"

Merisu smoothly drew his blade and gracefully cut through the front line of dark creatures, killing them all in a single stroke. The force of air displaced by Merisu's stroke swept through the remaining creatures with the force of a titanium guillotine blade, slicing them all in half. The attack missed not even one target.

"Hmm. Didn't even break a sweat," Merisu remarked, then sheathed his blade with a shrug of his shoulders. He turned to Mia. "Um... Mia... Would you like to go for a walk?"

"I'd love to!" she cried, taking him by the arm. They walked away, Mia still gazing up at him with hero worship in her eyes.

The others stared at them, aghast. "Did he not, just a few moments ago, say that he couldn't allow himself to be distracted by romantic involvements?" Feizhi said.

"I think that was just to establish his coolness," Kay said.

Karst clenched her fists. "We have _got_ to get rid of this guy."

"Or our band is doomed..." Jenna agreed.

----------------------

"And that's how I taught the girls not to mess with SnackTime™!" Garet said with a dramatic flourish, putting his fists on his hips and looking with magnificence over his audience.

"What are you talking about?" the oldest of the children said. "You didn't have anything to do with Merisu showing up."

"Besides, the story isn't over yet," a younger one added. "I'm sure the girls found some way to get Mia away from Merisu."

"Well, uh..."

"This is getting so confusing," a third child said, scratching her head. "First the opening scene turned out to be Kay telling the girls what happened. Then we got Karst having a flashback. Then there was a fantasy dream or something thrown in there. And now we find out that the whole thing was just you telling us the story?"

"Yeah, can't we go back to the way it was in chapter 1, with one omniscient narrator telling everything in chronological order?" a fourth one whined.

"Ha!" Garet laughed. "As if the next writer in this collaboration would pass up the opportunity to use the coolest character in this story as narrator!"

"Actually, you're not really a character in this story."

"Yeah, all you did was drop in on the girls and whine about SnackTime™. You've had no impact on the plot at all."

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Garet shouted in a rush, plugging his fingers in his ears and running away from the kids.

They stared after him for a while. "Garet gets kind of weird when he's been deprived of SnackTime™, huh?" one said.

"I'll say," another answered. "So, you guys want to play marbles?"

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script and plot(for this chapter) - Martin III


End file.
